Al Salam Alykum, I would love to share my story of my pregnancy with twin girls and the survival only one

I was 31 years old and I have a daughter who was a year and a half when I was pregnant and I was breastfeeding her. I wanted to complete to breastfeed. her while i am pregnant but I had stomach pain.

When she stopped breastfeeding, the pain stopped

I checked the hospital when i was pregnant for a month and a half and doctor confirmed the presence of pregnancy

When i was three and a half months of pregnancy i visited the doctor again and the doctor told me I have twins and they are in two different sacs and one placenta

I was happy at the time because I had a feeling that they were twins and its an explanation for my extreme tiredness different from my previous pregnancy

And my stomach began to grow quickly it seemed like i’m  two months ahead I mean when i was in my second month people believe i’m in the fourth and so on

i had mixed feelings between fear and joy I have read a lot on the web about twin pregnancy and their types and problems and have made sure not to make an effort to avoid premature birth

I was always hungry

In the sixth month they confirmed that they were two girls, and I heard their heart beat and the heart beat of one of them was higher than the other, which worried me

They began with actual movement in the sixth month I was concerned that the movement in one place in the abdomen only and there is no movement in place of the other girl according to the last sonar where the doctor pointed out the location of the first fetus and the second fetus

In the middle of the seventh month i made a sonar and the doctor said one of them does not have a heart beat. I was very surprised that two weeks ago there was a heart beat and I wished she was wrong. I allowed myself to cry on my lost daughet while i waited for the results of  the tests on the hospital seat and I remembered what Allah said in Quraan: “الذين إذا أصابتهم مصيبة قالوا إنا لله و إنا إليه راجعون” al baqara 156

I went to another hospital and confirmed that there was no heart beat in the other and died for some time and advised me to complete my checking with the hospital where I decided to give birth because they do not have an incubator for premature babies for my daughter who is still alive

I have completed checking with the Unit of Embryology in the government hospital and this is the first time I know the existence of this unit, which deals with critical cases of fetuses such as deformities and other and do detailed sonar  by a specialist

Doctors got confused between having an emergency birth or wait until the other twins completed 34 weeks and the doctor set a date for c section when i complete  34 weeks

I do not hide that I was very confused and had a mixed feelings between anger and denial and grief and I was participating in a forum about my condition when i was pregnant its a topic about womens who expect their baby in a certain month and I wrote to them what was happening with me and one of them respond with what calmed My heart: “… و عسى أن تكرهوا شيئا و هو خير لكم و عسى أن تحبوا شيئا و هو شر لكم والله يعلم و أنتم لا تعلمون” al baqara 216

But in the week 33 I dropped the sealer and fetal water and went to the emergency in the morning and the doctor told me i will give birth but we do not have an incubator to for your premature baby do you agree to give birth and we send your child to another hospital which has a vacancy for a premature baby

I did not agree because I did not like the idea of being apart my daughter. I preferred to be in the same hospital so i went to another hospital where i found a place for my daughter, I had an urgent cesarean section because of high pressure and irregular heartbeat. I told them about my condition And showed them the report from the Unit of Embryology

And in the operating room they prepared the place of reception for the living twin and next to it they prepared the place where they receive the dead twin contained a white paper to put it in. I chose to be awake while in operation and heard the scream of my daughter, thank God, and they let me see her and kissed her and they run with her to NICU.

I asked about the cause of death of the other doctor said there are distortions in head and lungs. I got confused between asking them to see her or not but because of her death in my stomach for more than a month and the presence of deformities i got kind of afraid to see her.

I was hospitalized for a week because of my blood pressure and my heart beat. Because of Toxicity of pregnancy, doctors found it difficult to install the nutrients and get blood from me because of the blood clots.

My husband took my passed away daughter in the second day after delivery from the refrigerator and washed, prayed and buried her. He only took photo of the white paper she is inside it

My other daughter came out two weeks later from the hospital where they kept her in a warm bed that looked like warmth of the uterus to complete her growth. They gave her milk a little bit and gave her antibiotics.

I visited her every day to hug her and try to breastfeed her. I wanted to visit her two or three times a day but I could not find anyone to give me a ride and I could not take a taxi because I still suffered from the operation.

 I was confused  in this position do I stay next to my daughter or go, and what to do to help my daughter and help them. I did not have the knowledge and I did not find cooperation by nurses who do not speak Arabic and thank God I can speak English with them, but who do not speak and want to ask them about their babies conditions will have difficulty Communicating with them

Nurses keep saying in a cold way, “Give us milk and go home.”

I was pumping milk and collecting it,  i bought Avent electric pumper because i was pumping every 2 hours at home like if their a real baby with me, and when it was time to visit I was putting it in one bottle of milk. One trick that helped me, I gave the hospital a blanket and when it got dirty i replaced it with another one. when i was pumping I was smelling the blanket which has the smell of my daughter to help produce milk. I convinced myself  that watching my daugher behind the closed bed did not work and that I would go home and relax and pump more milk for her so she be better.

I do not hide from you that I suffered from depression and inability to smile until  my daughter became four months and I do not forget that once I took a photo my daughter and then I cried and I was saying in myself they could have been two, I went to a psychologist and I told her my problem and She told me that she also has a twin boy and girl but the boy has Down’s disease, one child needs care and attention and the twins need more attention so how if one of them is sick or maybe all of them

What I have learned from my experience is that carrying twins is critical in which you should take care of your health and look for a doctor who cares about your condition. If I knew that my twin had deformities I was ready to know the end.

Do 3D 4D for your twins they worth it. Finally there is a bad scenario and a better scenario and Allah has honored me in the center where he took one from me and kept me one. I am honored that i carried a twins regardless that i did not raise them both.

And I have read that the possibility of repeating twins increases again and then we will be ready. I wish my story would be useful to you I shared it with you because I was searching on the internet for a story similar to my story and i did not find many, any mother may be pregnant twins and she is confused I can help her and any question I am present to answer. I gave bith in Jeddah SA and the birth hospital is Masadiya it was in the year 2016